


Hetalia: My brother the hero

by SouthernLolita



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Human, Character Death, Eye Injury, Feels, Grief/Mourning, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spinal Injury, War, kuma is a sheepdog, past mentions of unrequited love, tramatic injury, unrequited america/germany, unrequited america/italy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-04-23 16:16:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4883431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthernLolita/pseuds/SouthernLolita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alfred always said he was going to be a hero , so it was no surprise when he joined the Marines right out of high school . He wanted to protect his country and save lives , he wanted to do something with honor and meaning . And he did , where some men gave some....he gave all .</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> An: First off I wanna thank you as a reader for checking out this story. Next I'd like to say that I am taking a great deal of care to present this with respect and honor to those who have served. To hopefully impress upon younger generations the importance of our veterans and the sacrifices they have made. my grandfather served in WW2 my father during the Korean war, I had family that served in Vietnam and a cousin who serves active military. And many dear friends currently serving abroad with in the various branches of the military.
> 
> this is for those who have lost so much and those still struggling.

Two little boys sat on a hillside, starring up at the slow moving clouds as they rolled by. The warm summer breeze dancing over their sun kissed skin. The innocence of their age sparkling in their eyes, long before the world would take that away.

These where perfect days, long before they knew the words terror and grief. When the morning greeted their cherub faces with the dappled rays of light to wake them to a new day. Everyday was filled with something new for the twin brothers. Each day they had the other to share this knowledge and hope. One day they would look back on these days and pine for that innocence. One of them would ache to have these little moments back, to have more than faded photo memories and old messages on an answering machine.

"hey Alfie ..." one of the boys spoke his head of wavy hair rested on his brother's chest. He child quiet voice nearly inaudible. But his brother always heard him, always noticed him.

"yeah Mattie ? " the bigger of the twin boys answered, this stubborn cowlick bobbing in the summer wind.

The smaller boy rolled on to his stomach looking up at his brother, listening to the heartbeat so close to his own thumping against his cheek." what do you wanna be when you grow up?"

Alfred gazed up at the clouds floating across the expanse of blue thinking carefully .The answer seemed so natural...

" I'm gunna be a hero.''

* * *

 

Years later one afternoon after school 18 year old Alfred would come home knowing exactly how to become that hero he always dreamed of .

His brother Mathew knew what his twin had planned he knew it the moment he saw the others blue eyes sparkle with possibility listening to the Marine recruiting officer at the school Assembly for all the Seniors. That didn't mean he liked the idea and while he didn't hate it he worried. Who wouldn't? Things where different now with the war waging in the middle east, young men going across the ocean to bring freedom to those oppressed and to protect lose they love back home. Some of those bright young faces wouldn't come home. That was a fact Mathew was well aware of, specially when you live in as small town. Where every Sunday at church the priest, whom was their uncle Dylan read a list of names. Mathew had always felt so badly for those who lost someone so young. But, he wanted to believe that could never happen to Alfred.

Mathew knew this wasn't spur of the moment like many things Alfred did. if anyone was born to be solider it was Al, he was strong,determined and most of all he wanted everyone to be safe and free. He loved his country, so when the boys sat at the kitchen table before their parents discussing their plans for after high school it wasn't a surprise to him when he spotted the military pamphlets tucked in the back pocket of his ever enthusiastic twins jeans.

Taking the edge off Mathew went first maybe softening up the parentals before Alfred proposed his plans. It was the right thing for a big brother to do. Yes oddly enough the smaller of the two little Mathew was actually older by 3 days, a fact Alice loved to pin on Alfred during her " I as in labor with you for 72 hours you git!" speeches.

Mathew wanted to go veterinary school, he'd always loved animals and they loved him. It fit the wavy haired young man and pleased his parents . Alice and Francis where happy for their soft spoken little Mattie and supported his dream. Alice in particular as she had been raised in rural England before coming to the states with her siblings. His mother and Aunt Molly had worked at a local horse ranch before she meet their Father. He wanted to work with large animals both wild and domestic.

Then it was Alfred's turn, Alice had assumed he may fallow her elder brother Alister and join the police force. Alfred always got along well with the loud brass Scotsman, and like wise her brother tended to spoil Alfred more so than Mathew.

Francis had long ago put away his fantasy of one of his sons taking over his restaurant, Mathew while he could cook burst into tears the first time he saw his father boil live lobster . Alfred well.... he had inherited Alice's sense of taste. She could burn water if left unsupervised.

"mum, papa... I want to join the Marines ." Alfred said, that thousand watt smile in full effect as he looked across the kitchen table.

His parents where concerned , Alice absolutely terrified at the prospect of sending her baby boy off to boot camp and then war in some foreign land. Francis however had done two years service back in France before he came to this country so he knew the value of military service as a character building experience. So he went to bat for his son's independence in talking his apprehensive wife into cutting her apron strings.

Something he would regret .

That's how they got here, a simple sentence. One choice as noble as it was and as selfless as it was would come to fester pain in the hearts of his family only a few years later. But if it was possible to ask the young man in question if he would ever go a different path, if he'd have fallowed another road to his future . Alfred would have flashed that smile and said no because that's just who he was. Because he felt in his heart of hearts fighting for his country was right, helping to preserve the values of his home and in a way give back for the sacrifices his family had made just to come to this country. He would have grinned ear to ear with his hands planted firm on his hips and said. " no way dude !" And let lose that obnoxious laugh that could shake the windows.

If only others could realize that doing what's right isn't easy. That Alfred wasn't just a foolish boy with dreams of heroism, he was bright eyed American son who was going to become a good man. His bravery and selfless heart would prove the saving grace for some, and the deepest loss for others. Above all he would be that Hero he always knew he would be.


	2. American soldier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Oh, it has been so long since I updated this. I admit I just put some feelers in the water when I posted that prologue and was not sure if this should continue or not. However! I got mad plot bunnies and thought ya know what! I'm gunna go with them and see what happens. So enjoy, comment let me know if you like what I'm doing here. I hope you do, cause this realy means a lot to me, I recently lost a member of my family who served in WW2 he was an army first sergeant and a wonderful man. So yeah this is for him, and so so many like him who have in the past and present served with honor and distinction.

 

_"I will always do my duty, no matter what the price. I've counted up the cost, I know the sacrifice. Oh and I don't want to die for you but if dyings askin me,I'll bear that cross with honor. Cause freedom don't come free."- Toby Keith, American Soldier_

* * *

 

"Vake up Al und stop dreaming about food!" A grating voice shouted above Alfred's bunk. One would have thought Alfred would have gotten used to occurrences like this by now.

 

Blue eyes snapped open meeting a pair of grinning ruby pools. "Jesus Gil! Way to wake me up! I was in the middle of this great dream about me, Carmen Electra and Selma Hayek. They were about to wrestle in Kitty pool of vanilla pudding! You D!ck! SELMA AND CARMEN AND PUDDING! "

 

Gilbert dodged the pillow being thrown at him and laughed loudly. "Keseses that is the vierdest thing I have ever heard. Hot ja, but vierd; vhy is everything food vith you? Now get off your lazy ass brohaz. I know you just got back from leave but ve are heading out at 0800 hours. West is already in the mess hall, I told him to lie und say you have diarrhea if anyone asks vhy you are late."

 

Alfred rolled his eyes, as if he should be surprised by anything Gilbert did at this point.

"Great, dude I don't know if I should laugh that Luds gunna have to use the word diarrhea in a sentence or be pissed that everyone's gunna think I got the runs." Alfred laughed running a hand through his impressive case of bed head. He almost wished he could witness the bulky blonde stumbling over the phrasing of ' bowel complaints' it would have been priceless.

 

"It's the only thing no one ever questions," Gilbert stated "It's the perfect excuse for anyzing, people feel sorry for our thinking you're about to crap yourself to death." The albino shrugged his shoulders leaning against the wall while his friend hurried on suiting up in uniform.

 

"Yeah I guess that is kinda true. Oh hey! Can you believe it, this gunna be the last tour we have. Man-o-man four years of having to deal with your ugly mug. Can't say I'll miss that." the blond grinned and laughed as he laced up his boots.

 

Gilbert struck a pose hands on his hips puffing out his chest. "vhat are you talking about lozer! Don't you know you are blessed beyond measure to have gotten to view my blinding awesomeness?"

 

"Ha! The only thing blinding about you is your pasty ass in the sun "Alfred deadpanned looking up at Gilbert's fained expression of hurt.

 

* * *

**~~4 years earlier ~**

A brother in arms is a term one always hears when considering the relationships between military service members. Alfred had gained two brothers when he joined up; it was a weird sort of circumstance when he really thought about it. The three of them being so different yet so alike rather fell in together at first for lack of anyone else to talk to.

Where Al had been the 'big man on campus' in high school, he found that real life was not so easy. He was instantly labeled as 'pretty boy Bonnefoy' after the very first roll call. The nickname left him at the mercy of the other men including his drill Sergeant. Yet, there were two who had it worse - Gilbert and Ludwig Bielschmidt, they were foreign although both men had their citizenship since their youth. The German brothers still found themselves looked down on.

Gilbert more so for his...unique or as he would coin 'awesome' appearance. Being born with albinism the elder of the brothers was more accustomed to the rude comments of others.

Alfred later found out the brothers joined up after losing their father who worked in one of the trade center towers. Gilbert dutifully waiting for his brother to turn 18 so that his 'little luddy' wouldn't be "lonesome without his awesomeness'.  The American admired the brothers who only had each other, he would wonder if anything should happen to his parents how he could have dealt with that. Mathew and he were lucky; they had a whole bunch of Aunts and Uncles. Not to mention the Vargas family who were like family.  The more Alfred thought about it, this was the first time he had ever been so far from home, and it scared him.

However, with his new-found friends Al blossomed, they ate together, laughed together and were placed in the same platoon. They become brothers on a deeper level.

* * *

 

"Mein GOTT! Ist hot as bawlz in here!" Gilbert whined, they had arrived in the desert not 48hours ago and just like every deployment in the desert, the self-proclaimed Prussian was sharing moment-by-moment updates on where on his person the sweat was pooling. Far more than anyone wanted to know, but Gilbert felt the awesomeness of his existence needed to be shared even if it was just to bring some levity to the moment.

 

Alfred just rolled his eyes and smiled, he looked out on the arid landscape and the vast cloudless sky. Mentally taking note on everything for his first letter home. Many people might not see it but Alfred had a knack at finding the beauty in every place he went. There was something breathtaking about this landscape even in the midst of war.

 

"Ugh, I can't pronounce any of the shit on this map!" Gilbert moaned before the paper was snatched out of his hands by his younger sibling.

 

"You can't pronounce anything on any map," Alfred chimed in. This earning him a scowl from the albino.

 

Ludwig however snickered under his breath at his brother expense. This is how things were with them. You needed something to break up the long stretched of silence doing patrols. Al and Gil were constantly cracking jokes about each other or at other soldiers. The two of them got along well even if it looked like they might kill each other sometimes.

 

"So, Al vhen are you going to let me vrite your hot sister! I need time to prepare my awesomeness into word form to sveep her off her slightly less awesome than me feet." Gilbert winked at the American causing the younger man to flush.

 

"Dude! I told you Mattie is not a girl, and stop calling him hot! We're twins for god sakes! That makes me think you think I'm hot. Of course if you probably do, "Alfred grinned quickly turning his own embarrassment around. " I don't blame you I mean I have a rockin hot bod and everything, but seriously. I don't give my cookies to just anyone." Alfred snapped his fingers with a bit of sass.

 

Gilbert of course howling in laughter. "Ja, I forgot Ms. America here und his diva status. Although I must correct you as I have the hottest bod of them all"

 

Ludwig sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Calm down ladies you're both pretty."

 

"HEY!" The other two shouted in harmony before over come with a 2nd round of giggles.

 

* * *

 

Silence fell as the heat of the mid-day sun rose. Alfred glance out of the narrow Humvee widow watching the hazy vapor rising from the sand. They were passing a village and a few rocky outcroppings.

Blue eyes squinted trying to catch any movement, on occasion he had seen some wildlife — it made for something interesting to write back to Mathew about. However, this time it was not a creature that caught his eye.

There was something glinting in the distance, small and round. It's amazing how quickly the mind can process such visual queue. Unfortunately, this was not quite fast enough.

It was the reflection of a scope lens.

* * *

 

**(Warning: Graphic depictions of violence that may not be suitable for all readers. Please be aware I have the up most respect for those that serve and this was done with care to show the sacrifice of our military serving abroad and the dangers they face everyday protecting our safety, freedom, and way of life.)**

 

Everything happened so fast, the loud boom of the rocket that hit the caravan in front of them. The world feel into a strange slow motion static as his ears rang and the air was sucked out of his lungs the truck in front of them flipped into the air as it was struck, slamming down on the front of the humvee. Alfred was still in shock as he felt his equilibrium thrown off as he was ejected from the vehicle.

When he opened his eyes the ringing was still present in his ears, he blinks his eyes and raised his palms to muffle the sound. Soon the world came back as the blood rushed with adrenaline through his veins. Shouting... so much shouting...

 

Alfred got to his feet shaking away the shock; it was time to go to work. He slung his riffle around checking the weapon for damage, all was in order. Next, his eyes scanned the perimeter; sand was clouding the air creating a golden haze that filled his nose and mouth with fine grit. He couldn't see anything and that was bad.

 

" Lud! Gil! What's your 20?" Alfred Shouted behind him hoping they were close enough, hoping they were alive.

 

"Lud! Gil! Boon! Hays! ...Rodriguez! Somebody better say something out there or I'm gunna have to take all the credit when I bag these boys!" Alfred let out a harsh laugh; only a hail of gunfire to his left answered it.

 

The service man dropped to the ground to avoid being shot, "For once I'm almost hoping for friendly fire..." He muttered crawling backwards slowly looking for cover.  

 

Alfred thought he was out there alone until his foot his something metal and he heard a groan. Spinning around he saw the jeep over turned and a shock of white hair. "Gil!"

There was a string of German curses and Alfred never felt so happy to hear that greeting voice in his entire life. "English bro, English, Don't worry im gunna get ya out."

 

"Nien.." Gilbert looked up desperately grabbing Alfred writs as it took hold of his vest.  "I...Its vorse I think Al..I ..Mien gott Ich kann meine..beine nicht spuren..Al,..."

 

Alfred stopped looking down into the older man's eyes filling with tears, as they broke free and cut through the grime on Gilberts pale face. "What. What does that mean Gil I don't. Please." Part or he knew. Part of Alfred knew by the way Gilbert was pinned, he couldn't see the man's lower extremities but something told him it wasn't going to be pretty when he wretched his friend free.

 

"I...I can't feel my legs Al."

 

Alfred took a breath and leaned down bumping his forehead against the East Germans. "It's gunna be ok, I'm gunna get ya outta here and we're all gunna go home you'll see Gil. I'll even introduce you to Mattie if you promise not to break his heart ok?"  

 

Gilbert laughed in spite of everything before coughing harshly. "I. I'm not feeling so awesome Al,"

 

"I know bro; I need you to trust me ok. I'm going to have to get you out of here and get us behind the Humvee so I you'll be covered. Do you trust me?"

 

"Ja, vith my life." Gilbert offered a smile and griped Alfred's hand. "I'm ready."

 

Alfred didn't like to admit it but he really was afraid this time, after all his deployments and the death and carnage he had seen nothing felt quite as heavy on the Youngman's heart as looking down on his fellow solider. He wanted to get Gilbert to safety without hurting him anymore than necessary.

Al leaned over his friend's body trying to dig around in the sand around the other man's hips to hopefully give a bit of extra room. He could just barely catch a glimpse of the blood soaking through the fatigues on at Gilbert's thigh. Alfred hoped to whatever God was up there that it wasn't what he thought it was, the last thing he wanted to do was haul Gil out of there in more than one piece.

 

"bruder!, Alfred! " A voice came out of the haze of dust.

 

"Oh thank God," Al swore sitting back on his heels looking out into the foggy dust. "Over here Lud!"

 

Ludwig staggered around the back of the flipped vehicle his rifle in hand. The man looked ragged with half of his face marred in blood and dirt. "Alfred?"

 

Ludwig dropped to Alfred's side looking out over his shoulder. "The men in the first Humvee are dead but I vas able to get to the radio. There is a chopper in the area, there is a 2nd convoy about 15 clicks south they are coming, from vhat I can tell the rebel group vas small maybe 7 or 10 men."

 

Alfred nodded looking over his shoulder, "Alright I need you to help me get Gil out of here we have to go slow though. Think you could get a shoulder up under this big bitch and get me some room to work?" AL said slapping a palm on the twisted metal of the jeep frame.

 

Ludwig looked down he was finding it impossible to see out of his left eye but that was the least of his worries. His big brother was in trouble, "Ja, I can do it."

 

"Alright bro let's do this. On 3." Alfred hooked arms under Gilbert's, the albino hissing in pain as his torso rose.  "1...2...3!"

 

Ludwig jammed his back shoulder under the frame and strained to lift, the blondes face went red with exertion as the metal creaked in protest. Somehow, the mass of twisted metal lifted and Alfred slid Gilbert out as fast as he could before the younger German's strength could give out.

Alfred looked down at Gilbert's' lower body, the man's left leg was contorted unnaturally and the right foot began to spasm, Gil did not seem aware of either of these things.

 

"We need to get to cover until reinforcements arrive. I need you to help carry him," Alfred said as he turned to Ludwig placing a hand on the larger mans shoulder, he could see the free in those blue eyes a shade lighter than his own. Alfred couldn't imagine what Ludwig was feeling right now, had the tables been turned and it had been Mathew laying there bleeding in the sad; Al wasn't sure he could keep his cool.

 

Before Ludwig could answer another bevy of shots rang out. "Shit! There getting closer! Lud take Gil and get behind the Jeep Go! Go now!"

 

"But Alfred..."

 

"I said GO!"

 

Ludwig lifted his older brother onto his shoulder and did as his American friend instructed, he kept low as Alfred came behind watching and returning fire into the slowly dissipating smog of dust.

It felt like hours when it was only moments when the first insurgents became visible. Alfred did his best to cover his fellow solider While Ludwig once again radioed to chopper to find its position.

The first shot came to his shoulder, the bullet cut through his uniform and set his muscles on fire but kept going, he stayed low and shot back, watching as the enemy combatants fell.  

 

"They said they can see us and they will be coming in to the left as soon as the area is clear," Ludwig shouted over the gunfire.

 

Alfred looked over at the two brothers and smiled. "Well I guess I better find em a place to park then huh."

 

Ludwig looked shocked, his eyes wide flitting between Alfred and his brother whom by now had lost consciousness. "Alfred you can't, the sand storm hasn't cleared you don't know how many are out there don't be stupid!"

 

"I think there's two maybe three, and lud we don't have a lot of time here. Gill has lost a lot of blood and you cant even out of one side. I'm the best we got right now alright, I'll not gunna let anything happen to guys." Alfred reached out and grasped Ludwig's hand in a firm shake, "I just got one favor to ask alright,"

 

"Anything..." Ludwig returned the squeeze. He respected Alfred more in that moment than he had ever respected anyone in his life.

 

Alfred reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a small notepad and a photo of his family. "You take this alright, and you give it back when you see me again deal?"

 

"Deal"

Ludwig felt his heart clench as he watched Alfred dart off in the direction of the chopper. The Germans chapped lips whispering a praying for his friend.

* * *

 

Alfred could hear the black hawk circling, the propeller blades cutting through the sky as it hovered. The wind tunnel created by the helicopter cleared his vision, he could see in an instant two men emerge from behind a rock.

 

The first shot he pulled off stuck the man on the right in the chest, as he fell the other turned and looked up at the American soldier. There eyes locked, deep hues of coffee and brilliant blues passed a single understanding. _'One of them will die.'_

Alfred finger depressed the trigger in an instant. It was over... The man fell and Alfred could hear the chopper descending.

A loud voice from above shouted and Alfred looked up giving the thumbs up and waving his hands.

They were safe, they where going to make it.

 

"Lud Come on!" Alfred shouted back toward the jeep "Our rides here! I hope you already peed cause we aint stopin!"

 

Ludwig was so happy he would have cried if his left eye didn't burn so much. He hefted his brother onto his back and careful made his way toward the medics getting off the chopper.

They worked quickly strapping Gilbert onto a back bard and lifting him into the aircraft.

 

That's when it happened.

 

A Single shot, a man Alfred hadn't seen.

Ludwig had been climbing up into the chopper when the sound rang out; he turned with Alfred belongings still in his hand.

 

It was too late, they were so close...

 

For a moment Alfred was still his eyes wide; he had taken off his helmet when hailing down the chopper. The bullet had entered the back of his skull and exited between his eyes.

"NOOO!" Ludwig shouted attempting to leap out of the aircraft. One of the medics stopped him, a solider that was riding along, took out his service side air and aimed shooting the insurgent that had taken down Alfred.

Another medic jumped out and went to the fallen solider. Alfred had hit his knees before collapsing face first in the ground.

Those last few moments he had been happy, staring at the helicopter thinking about his family and going home.

He had not felt a thing.

* * *

 

the medic looked up having turned Alfred over, a sad look on her face. "I'm sorry ...he's already gone."

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. If you're reading this

_"Remember this I'm in a better place, were soldiers live in peace and Angles sing amazing grace. So lay me down in that open field out on the edge of town, and oh my soul is were my mama always prayed that it would go. If your reading this...I'm already home." - Tim McGraw (If you're reading this)_

 

* * *

 

"Mathew love help your father he won't let me in the kitchen and the stupid git has to many orders up with just him." Alice pleaded after being banished from the kitchen.

Mathew sighed and shook his head before checking his watch; he didn't have to be at the clinic for another hour yet. "Alright, I guess Feli is running late again eh?"

Alice nodded pining her long blond hair back in a bun, "Yes, his grandfather was a bit under the weather this morning."

Mathew nodded in understanding and tied on an apron, he would have to call Felik and let the pol know he would be late today.

"Oh mon duie why did I ever agree to let that wedding reception come here on such short notice!" Francis cried as he flitted around the kitchen. Steam rose around the man as he fretted and flounced from station to station.

Mathew could only smile. "Because papa you are obsessed with 'amour" He wiggled his hips in front of the stove with a cheeky little laugh.

The Frenchmen spun around with a scandalized look. "Matthieu! Mon own son makes fun of love...how truly tragic!

They both shared a laugh before getting to work, moving easily around each other in the kitchen to get things back on track for the day.

* * *

It was such a normal day, so an extremely unextrodinary kind of day. The sun was shining and the clouds where moving slowly. It was warm but not hot; everything for Alice Kirkland-Bonnefoy was completely normal that day.

She had spoken to her sister molly early that morning before coming down stairs and opening up the restaurant, made tea for her husband before the Frenchmen banished her from the kitchen, and feed the cats. She took the mornings first few calls; Feli — calling out of work, a call from the wedding coordinator who wanted to thank them again for taking their clients reception at such short notice, and a few other business calls.

Alice had planned on taking a basket of pasties down to her brother Alistair at the police station, he and the other officers always liked when she came baring baked goods. Provided she didn't bake them.

It was a quiet, good day.

It would be a day that years to come she would hate, a day she couldn't erase no matter how much she wanted to. It was all thanks to one moment.

 

* * *

**10:45am**

 

Alice smiled hearing her son and husband in the kitchen, it was like old times; now if only Alfred was here. Her mind drifting to her solider son, she was so proud of that boy.

The red light about the bar when on, someone must be wringing the bell at the side sir entrance to the flat, she thought. Alice slipped through a small hall and into the stairwell, she stopped to wipe her hands on her apron and fix her face with a smile before opening the door.

 

**-    Hello, Mrs. Bonnefoy,**

 

_Everything in her body froze looking at the Marine office and the Chaplin who addressed her.     Dressed in their Class A uniforms. She knew, she knew and couldn't process it. 'There had to be a     mistake a terrible mistake'_

 

_\-     "Y-yes,"_

 

**_-    Ma'am may we come in and speak with you and you husband?_ **

 

_"Y-es of course." She could feel a cold trebling rising from her toes and travel along her spine, sending out shark sparks to her extremities.  "F-Francis!"_

 

_She spoke to load as she passed the two service men running toward the kitchen. One of her slip on shoes lost in the process._

_When Alice came to the kitchen entryway she stood there with her hand to her mouth. Francis had just turned from the oven to ask what she wanted when he saw her face. That pinched pain look as the tears gather in her eyes._

 

_"Mon Cher?'_

 

_"Mum what's wrong?" Mathew joined in as he approached his mother slowly._

 

_The woman launched at her son grabbing him as tightly as she could, she had to hold him, and she had to protect him._

 

_Francis looked worried and slowly stepped around his wife and son and out into the restaurant. He saw the two men standing stiff as iron. Their hands clasp behind their backs waiting to tear his world apart with their words._

 

**\- Mr. Bonnefoy. May we have a seat and speak with you and your family.**

 

_The Chaplin's voice was kind and careful, one could see the older man had done this many times, to many times._

 

_Francis showed them to a table, feeling the numbness seeping over his bones as he looked over to his wife and son seated just next to him. Alice was already simpering into Mathews shoulder as the boy tried his best to calm her._

 

**\- Mr. and Mrs. Bonnefoy, we regret to inform you that your son Alfred was killed in combat.**

 

_The phrase rained like nails on tender flesh, 'Killed. In. Combat.'_

 

_Alice began sobbing uncontrollably and Mathew stood to lead his mother away and toward the hall way that led up to the apartment. The young man was doing everything to hold back the pain that he himself felt. He had to be strong._

 

_Mathew chanced a look back at his father, Francis looked so much older in that moment. The Frenchmen's face was pale as he waved them off._

 

_Alice's feet could no longer hold her as she slid weakly again her son. Mathew picked up the petite woman and carried her up the stairs, his heart breaking at her broken sobs into his shit, screaming and crying "Not Alfred, not my baby... please god please not my baby."_

 

_Down stairs Francis sat with his head in hands. "How did it happen." He said with a gravelly voice, his accent coming in thicker than before._

 

**\- Your son was shot yesterday afternoon when his convoy was ambushed. He fought bravely and thanks to him the lives of several marines in his unit were saved."**

 

_A broken laugh fell from the older man's lips. "So you're saying my son's hero."_

 

**-    Yes Sir.**

_Francis wanted to be bitter, he wanted to point out that being a hero did nothing but get his son killed. Then he looked up over the uniformed men's heads. Their on the wall was a family picture, it was the twins 13th birthday. Alfred had wanted the Captain America theme and Mathew wanted Ironman so they compromised. Both boys sat smiling in front of a cake with both of the fiction superhero's emblems emblazoned together as one._

_Something in Francis knew that Alfred would not have wanted him to become angry or bitter over this. Alfred went and fought for this country because he loved it, he wanted to protect it and the people he loved._

 

_His son had died a hero, the one thing they all knew Alfred was all along._

 

**-     Sir, dose your family have a local clergymen that you can speak to?**

 

_"Oui, I mean yes, yes we do thank you.  Is...When will they send my son home?" Francis didn't want to say 'when will we receive Alfred's body,' that would make it to real and he couldn't handle that right now._

 

**-    The utmost respect is being taken into to insure the safe return of your sons remains**

 

_The officer spoke, he handed over a file folder with the information to Francis. It contained the all the legal documents they would need and the arrival information._

 

**-     A government car will come and pick up your family for the trip to the airport, if you have other arrangements made they can then transfer Alfred into the care of that funeral home. If not we can provide to you a list of memorial services that we work with. Please let me know if there's anything you need, we have counselors on base if you or any member of your family has need of it.**

 

_Francis's nerves were too raw to deal with the sentiments at the moment. He could even cry in front of these men and mildly wondered if they thought ill of him for not shedding a tear yet. "No, thank you father."_

* * *

 

Everything after that felt like a blur, Francis remembered shaking both men's hands and showing them out and then...nothing. Then he was on the stirs heading up to the apartment. He could hear Alice's sobbing echoing around him. Every step felt like trudging uphill through wet sand.

Then he was in the house. Mathew was seated on the floor outside of the bedroom door. "I can't papa... I can't sit with her any more I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." The young man dissolved into tears.

Francis placed a hand on his boy's shoulder, "I know, you've done your best Matthieu. I will tend to your mother."

Mathew looked up at his father, marveling at the strength in the other mans features, he knew now where Alfred got it from, sure they always joked that their mom wore the pants in the family. That her famed English temper could have moved mountains. However, their father's quiet, graceful strength held things together. That sense of what was right and wrong and how to be a better person.  

The young man watched quietly as his father disappeared into the bedroom. Mathew gathered him self off the floor half stumbling down the hall to the room he had once shared with his twin for 20+ years. Even when they were both away and coming home was just a respite from their adult lives. This place was their sanctuary.  

Mathew sat down on the twin bed with the American flag quilt; he looked down at his hands. Hands identical to his brothers. "Why didn't I feel it?" he whispered.  "Shouldn't I have known Al?  You always knew when I was upset you had that talent that. What did you call it...Twin sense...Why didn't I know?"

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Amazing Grace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Please remember to favor your author with kind comments, it lets me know you like what I'm doing and want to read more; jointly, the lack of comments makes me think no one's reading it or it's just not interesting thus resulting in fewer updates.

_Through many dangers, toils and snares...we have already come._

_T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...and Grace will lead us home. - (Amazing Grace)_

* * *

 

It rained the day of the funeral, that's the one thing that Mathew would always remember. The way it felt like the sky it was morning for his brother.

 

His uncles played Amazing Grace on the bagpipes, his mother's request. The loud drone of the instruments was strangely beautiful and all together heart breaking. It sent a cold chill up Mathew's spine as he stood there with his family and watched the uniformed Paul bearers carry the flag draped casket to its final resting place.

 

 _This can't be really...Alfred can't really be gone, maybe if I pinch myself I can wake up and he will be right there? He will laugh and it will turn out that he came home to surprise me and I just hit my head and this was all a bad dream_.  Mathew wanted that to be true, he craved it to be true but he knew it wasn't.

 

 The military band played taps and Alice cried, he was surprised she even still could after days of weeping. Francis managed to keep himself until the 21 gun salute. Mathew watched helplessly as the tears fell from his father's eyes.

 

Mathew hadn't cried since that day they found out, not at the wake, not at the service. Not at the grave site. It was like his heart wouldn't allow the grief to escape because if he let it out now where all these strangers could see it would be like admitting Alfred was gone. That thought seemed so absurd and yet it was the truth. Part of him held on to that, Al had died doing something so noble and if Matthew cried it felt like it would sully that.

 

So instead the young man held his head high, managing to only flinch minutely at the blast of the guns.

_I can do this. I have to do this, for mum and papa. I have to be the strong one now because I'm all they have left now._

* * *

Fallowing the ceremony Some of Alfred's friends all meet up at one of their old high school haunts. Mathew forced himself to go, mostly for Feliciano. He knew the little Italian was suffering almost as much as his and Alfred's own mother.

 

Feli had always had a hopeless crush on Alfred but could never quite get up the nerve to voice it. Al had of course been too dense to see it. Alfred had just considered the bubbly little Italian as his best friend.

 

Mathew sat down on an old pile of boards with no regard for his dress pants, watching the group all taking their seats out behind the old  abandoned barn out in the woods. Ivan and Toris were tossing some timber in the center of the circle to tart up the old bonfire. It was damp and chilly now that the rain had stopped, they all needed the warmth.  Everyone seemed almost weary to approach him, like they might offend him by passing on their condolences. Of course it was Feliciano who managed to break away from his own over protective twin - Lovino, to make his way over.

 

"Hello Matteo," he said simply, sitting down next to Mathew joining the blond in staring at the attempts to straight flame to soaked wood.

 

Mathew didn't say anything for a while, just sitting the companionable silence until the fire finally roared to life. Ivan had grown impatient and tossed a vodka bottle into the mix and flipped his cigarette on the volatile fluid. Maybe not the smartest thing but the accelerant worked none the less.

"Hey" Mathew lamely offer the greeting, at least he was trying

There was more silence, around them people were talking and drinking. A few of the girls cried even Ivan's scary sister Natasha broke down and said she missed Alfred because he was the only one who was friendly towards her. Alfred was like that, he wanted everyone to feel welcome.

 

Kiku said a few kind words about Al, they had been friends since grammar school.

 

Mathew wanted to run away, seemed he wasn't the only one.

 

"Matteo, do you want to get away from here?" Feliciano said.

 

Now that Mathew finally looked over he could see the slighter man was fidgeting in his seat.

 

"Yeah I do."

 

The two of them walked away from the group, no one stopped them. Everyone saw them go but... So one wanted to say anything.  

 

They trailed down a small pebble path way, each man walking with his hands in his pockets. Neither said a word until they reached the end of the trail where the large lake was. It used to be a rock quarry at one time, their little group of friends would always come here in the summer and swim. Alfred was always the biggest instigator of these trips.

 

Looking out on the lake in the fading light Mathew found himself smiling ruefully at the memory.

 

"Are you remembering the summers" Feli asked.

 

"Yeah, Remember when Al got his truck what were we like...16?" Mathew laughed bitterly kicking a stone off the edge of the dock. The small peddle shattered the glassy surface into echoes of ripples.

 

"I think so, it was the first time I went anywhere without Lovi, I didn't have to worry about him teasing me for staring at Alfred. I...I wish I would have told him." Feliciano's voice broke on that note.

Mathew turned to look at the smaller man, seeing someone else he would have to be strong for. Feli was just so kind hearted and delicate sometimes. "He did love you, even if it wasn't in that way. I don't think Alfred was ready to really think of anyone in those terms. If he was I'm sure things would have been different for you two."  

 

The Italian laughed humorlessly, "You shouldn't be the one comforting me, I'm so  ...-"

 

"Don't" Mathew cut him off.  "Don't say you're sorry Feli, just don't. I've heard that too much today and I honestly can't stand to hear it again. Can we just. Agree that we both miss him eh?"

 

Feliciano's face softened as he reached out and took Mathews hand. "Si, I do miss him. I don't think I will ever meet anyone who  ..."

 

Mathew leaned closer wrapping an arm around Feli as the words became choked sobs. "You will Feli, Al would want you to. That's all he ever wanted, for everyone to be happy. I just hope we can all get back to there now that he's gone."

* * *

 

"Alice... Darling it's not good for you to sit in here alone." Francis spoke softly as he entered his son's old bedroom.

 

 His wife was seated on Alfred's bed, in her lap was an old grey teddy bear. Tony, he was Alfred's favorite as a child. She had thought it was so important for the children to have a quality teddy bear. She in fact still had her's, his name was Mr. Paddington and he loved in a hatbox in the bedroom closet.

 

Alice had taken both of the boys to a small toy shop in town when they were just three-years-old. She spent half the afternoon letting the little boys carefully look over the shelves of plush friends until they each found one. Mathew had picked a polar bear, he named it Kuma...something the poor things name changed once a week or more, and Alfred found the odd grey bear with its big dark eyes and named him Tony.

 

Watching her now with that shattered look on her face as her slender fingertips circled the bears muzzle was, in a word. Heartbreaking.  Alice had stopped crying on the way back from the cemetery and had since fallen into an eerie silence. As soon as they arrived home she soundlessly floated up the stairs and back toward the twin's bedroom and there she sat for the last hour.

 

The woman didn't even seem to respond to her husbands worried voice, she just sat staring into those black glass eyes of the bear in her hands.

 

"Alice...Mon ange please..." Francis sat down next to her moving to gently take the plush from her hands.

 

However her grip only tightened and her face contorted in anger.

 

"You lied..." she hissed tugging away from him and holding the bear to her chest.

 

Alice squeezed her eyes shut and rocked forward. Her voice came out rough and mean, "You lied! You said he would be fine, you said this would build his character, all those things you said... You made me agree to this! And now he's dead! Our boy is dead and you let him go!"

 

He knew she didn't really mean it, it was just the grief talking but it didn't make it sting any less. "I know." He said solemnly. It hurt him to see her like this, so much pain glazing over her emerald eyes.

 

"You're their father you're supposed to protect them! You promised me!" She cried out, doubling over into a fit of wailing tears. "You promised me the day they were born, you promised me!"

"Alice..." He reached out with a lame hand trying to sooth the terrible ache.

 **"NO!"** she shouted bolting up from the bed and away from the touch. "No, you don't tell me it's alright, and you don't bloody dare try to tell me things will be better they will never be better! Alfred is dead...he's dead and there is nothing we can do to change that." Her tone dropped off into a whisper as she moved toward the doorway, the little gray bear still in hand.

 

Francis watched her go before he dropped his head into his hands, worried fingers tangling through his hair. She was right in her own way, this would change everything and it wasn't fair. His mother always said that life was sometimes cruel but it was how you let the cruelty change you that determined the life you lead. Francis still did not know how this cruelty would change them all. He wanted to believe that these days would be the hardest that after this with time things would slowly get better. That they could remember Alfred without the pain.  

 

"It is darkest before dawn oui?" he said to the empty room. Looking out at the remnants of the life stolen away in its prime, photographs and memories. It was all too fresh, the wound to new to try and patch over, for now. Only locked doors would suffice.

 

Francis got up looking once more at the bedroom before shutting the door. He knew Mathew had slept on the pull out last night in the living room, tomorrow the boy would likely retreat back to his apartment, then it would just be Him and Alice, maybe in a few days they would have the strength to talk about this.

 

Maybe.

 


	5. No Tears

 

_"For the life that you lead, you had angels in your head, did you hear them singing in the end? All the things that you've seen all the things that could have been." - James Blunt (No Tears)_

* * *

Mathew got up and walked toward the tiny apartment kitchen, it was his first day back in the apartment and away from the home he grew up in. It felt, both comforting and lonely.

It had also been nearly a month since Alfred's death.

  He past the sofa on his way to the kitchen, patting the bundle of blankets that here huddled there, the large white mass of fur, his sheepdog Kumachiki or Kumajiro. Whichever he decided to call it. Came bounding out dragging the blanket with him. Leaving his other guest exposed to the cold light of morning.

 

"Vee... no Lovi close the blinds" Feliciano mumbled covering his face with a pillow.

 

The Italian had stayed over with Mathew that first night, he said it was for 'moral support but somehow Mathew felt it was more so Feli could mope in peace without Lovino breathing down his neck.

"Feli wake up you're not at home." He said patting the other young man's leg.

 

Feliciano's eyes peeled open looking up at the blond, for a split second he looked almost afraid. Like he'd seen a ghost. Clapping a hand over his mouth before blinking and sitting up...

 

"Felli are you alright?"

 

 "I...Matteo I'm sorry. It's just that well  ..." Feliciano started to explain but Mathew knew... It was because he looked like Alfred, he had his hair pulled back and his glasses where not on yet. For a spit second it would have been easy to mistake one for the other. Only now no one had the excuse to mistake them because Alfred was gone... there was only one of the Bonnefoy twins left.

 

That was something Mathew had to live with, because even this morning when he stumbled into the bathroom his own reflection had betrayed him. His brother was there looking back at him in the glass, a thought that used to be comforting, now it was just a heartless taunt of the thing he had lost.

 

"It's ok you don't have to apologize Feli, um... look I'm going to make some pancakes would you like some?"

 

"Si, I love your pancakes!" Feli cheered jumping up from the sofa and throwing on whatever clothing he had worn the night before, left in piles all over the small seating area. Mathew was pretty sure there where trousers hanging from the lamp in the corner. He smiled at that, Alfred and Feli would have made the messiest couple in history if they had ever gotten together.

* * *

The smell of warm buttery breakfast delight filled the apartment kitchen as they sat down to eat, conversing mildly over whatever was droning from the small TV on the counter. The weather, news, some fluff piece on the morning show about a fireman saving a kitten from a well.  

 

Mathews phone began to buzz between them and the blond idly tilted the screen up and whipped his thumb across the accept call tile, swishing it back and down to switch on the speakerphone.  

 

"Good morning papa," Mathew greeted.

"Si! Morning Mr. Bonnefoy!"

 

The voice on the other line pause for a second, "Good morning boys, Mathieu may I speak with you in private?"

 

Mathew looked apologetically at his friend before switching off the speakerphone and slipping out of the kitchen.,"Alright, Sorry about that, we were just having breakfast and I guess it came natural to put the call on speaker."

 

"It's alright, listen...I received a call from the veteran's hospital. Some men from Alfred's platoon wanted to speak with us. I think it would be good for us, your Uncle Collin came by and he agreed that it would do your mother good perhaps. Would you like to come with us?"

 

"Papa... I honestly don't see how it can be good for mum, I mean the way she's been..."

 

Francis wasn't relenting though. "I know, but I think this may be what she needs."

Of course Uncle Collin would agree, being a man of the cloth he was all about forgiveness and moving forward. Mathew sighed and drug a hand back through his hair, disturbing the loosely coiled rubber band. "Alright, I'll meet you at home say  ...20 mins?"

* * *

The whole trip home Mathew couldn't help but think this was a bad idea. His mother's emotions had been all over the place in the last few weeks; in the beginning all she could do was cry, then she was just angry. Now however, she hardly said a word.

 

His father was so worried for her, after all Alice meant the world to Francis, he was his first and only love. Mathew knew how much his parents cared for one another even with as much as they fought, they never ended a day angry.

 

Now sitting back watching his mother morn and become the shell of the proud brash brit she used to be. Well, it was terrifying.

 

That didn't mean Mathew supported this idea, he knew on some level that maybe speaking with the men Alfred was closest to before he died might ring closer, he knew he wanted to know more about his brothers last few days. Mathew needed to see what his brother died for, to meet those men Alfred saved to know it was for something. He hoped that tangible feeling would help him to close the door on that pain.

 

For Alice though? Mathew could only see this ending badly, there was nothing that was going to end this tragedy for her. He couldn't imagine losing a child, what she must feel every time she looks at him. Looks at his father.

 

Mathew fears his family was going to fall apart.

* * *

He was right. This whole thing was just a bad idea, Mathew knew it the moment he climbed in the car with his parents. The way his mother just sated out into nothing. The woman looked like she hadn't eaten or slept in days.

This was just pouring salt in a wound.

The trip there had gotten worse, the closer they got the harder Alice gripped the armrest in the vehicle. They could hear the leather creaking under her nails.

 

It was no surprise how she reacted to pulling into the hospital parking lot. Mathew felt guilty for abandoning his father to deal with her. But he had been against this from the start.

* * *

Matthew walked into the veteran's hospital alone, his parents were still outside. Francis trying his best to coax Alice out of the car.

 

The hospital was big and clean, bright lights and the scent of antiseptic everywhere, nurses and service men and their family milled around the halls. Doctors smiled at him as he headed down toward a common room.

 

There was another part of Mathew , a bitter part that wanted to know why these men got to live and his brother had to die. That dark little voice niggling the back of his skull that wanted to hate these men just for being alive. But he couldn't do that. Alfred wouldn't do that.

 

Mathew knocked on the door waiting patently, he stepped back as the knob turned and it was opened by a tall blue eyed man, his head bound in a bandage that covered one of his eyes and arm in a sling.

 

"You must be Mattie." he said a soft smile forming on his features.

 

"Yeah...I am." Mathew walked in feeling strange that the man had used his nickname. Then again Al always called him that.

 

It was then he noticed the other man, well he noticed the startling head of white hair .Then he noticed the wheel chair the man was in. It wasn't like a wheelchair people sat in to leave a hospital either, the back was low and the wheels tilted out slightly. No, this was more of a permanent accessory.

 

"Hallo, I'm Ludwig and that's mien bruder Gilbert." the blonde introduced them, Matthews heart ached at the mention the men where brothers.

 

Suddenly, the man introduced to him as Gilbert turned around in his wheel chair offering a sad smile. "ja, I just vant you to know. If it vasn't for Al, we wouldn't have made it. Be proud of your bruder," it was then the albino move forward and took Mathews trembling hands in his larger scared ones." he was a hero. An awesome hero "


	6. Letters from home

 

_"I hold it up and show my buddies, Like we ain't scared and our boots ain't muddy_

_And they all laugh like there's something funny 'bout the way I talk, when I say mama sends her best ya'll .." (Letters from home - John Michael Montgomery)_

 

* * *

 

 

Mathew sat down at a table with the men his brother served with , his father came in a bit later; Alice was. Not with him.

 

By the time Francis came in the three younger men were chatting  at a table as if they had know each other for years. He felt this had been a good decision despite his wife's episode in the car. Francis eventually had to call his brother-in-law to come get her she had began shouting and crying. He felt awful, but seeing Mathew laugh and smile for the first time in the last month made it feel worth it.

 

"Ja, und one time Al found some nudey mags our cousin's wife Eliza  sent Lud. Oh gott it was to funny!" Gilbert laughed sharing stories at his little brothers expense.

 

Mathew laughed wiping his eyes, seemed like something his brother would do, wallpapering a tent with porn.

 

When Francis approached Ludwig stood to shake the older mans hand. Gilbert waved from his chair, the four of them sat and spoke for a while. Until the younger German suddenly paused looking over to his brother. Gilbert nodded and raised one of his hands.

 

"There vas something of Al's ve have. Ludwig promised him to take care of it. Ve, thought you should have it." Gilbert said motioning to his brother.

 

Ludwig got up picking up a tan canvas bag and pulling out a few letters bound in string, a black hardcover notebook and a creased well loved family photo.

 

Francis recognized the letters, Alice's handwriting and his own on the front of the dusty envelops. These where the letters they had sent their son while he was deployed.

 

Mathew took the note book, there where little pencil sketches of other soldiers, many people didn't know it but Alfred was very talented. Little notes about what he had seen that say. Looking over the words Mathew felt his chest tighten, he couldn't do this not in front of strangers. He snapped the book closed and held it to his chest. " Thank you." He said softly.

 

Francis picked up the old photo, it had served that first deployment all the way to this last one. It was the twins graduation photo. So much promise in those smiling faces, they both looked so young, he chanced a glance over to Mathew and realized his quite boy seemed so much older now. Kind but worn around the edges. He and Alfred were more alike that either liked to admit. Mathew was staying strong for everyone, he was picking up the pieces and taking all the pain.

 

"Yes, merci, this..this means a lot to us all. I'm very sorry that my wife wasn't here to meet you both. She has taken this very hard."

 

Both solider nodded in understanding, conversation seemed to lull after that. Finally Ludwig spoke up, " My bruder und I are planning to go to the cemetery tomorrow und pay our respects."

 

" Ve vill be staying in town a bit longer, doctors you know.." Gilbert interrupted waving a hand dismissively.  

 

Francis smiled " You should both stop by the restaurant one night, we would love to have you."

 

Mathew sat back in his seat some, why was his father so adamant about this? Then again he knew his papa was just grasping at straws. Anything to try and mend the hole in all of their hearts.

 

* * *

 

That night Mathew sat in his apartment at the kitchen table the mall sketchbook sitting in front of him on the place mat... He took another sip of his coffee before opening the cover, Alfred's name and rank was on a printed sticker in the front along with a few scratched doodles of stars and the Initials A.F.B.

Mathew smiled turning the pages; the first was dated during Alfred's first deployment. A few notes on the landscape and the villages, Mathew remembered when his brother wrote about that.

 

The next page held a sketch of a small house in a village, another of a little girl and a solider. When Mathew looked closer, he could tell the solider was Ludwig. He was helping tie a bow in a little Afghan girl's hair.  

 

He turned the pages and found notes on the local food, there was a taped black and white photo of Alfred sitting on the hood of one of the jeeps with his shirt off holding two helmets in front of his chest making kissy faces at the camera. Mathew snorted out a laugh, typical Al... he thought feeling the tears brimming looking at the photo.

 

Every page held more memories both good and bad. Things Al had written home about and things he did not tell anyone. Things about death and fear, how sometimes he felt so guilty even though he knew it was all part of the job.  It was sobering for Mathew to see how grown up his brother actually became. He felt pride and sadness all at once.

 

Toward the end of the little book, Mathew felt a tremor in his hand. The dates where more recent, little anecdotes, excitement over the last tour.  Parts made Mathew blush when he read,

 

_"I might introduce Gil to Mattie, I think he might be the first person I wouldn't case away from my brother."_

 

Mathew remembers that last visit Al came back and he was dating a man named Lars who worked at the garden center. They were not serious just coffee on occasion, Al had to go all alpha male and sit the Dutchman down and discuss his 'intentions'. Alice had found that rather amusing, considering she had already cornered the poor man not a week earlier.  Mathew wasn't that disappointed that Lars ended-up just wanting to be friends after that.  

 

This was his family and they were a package deal.

 

Mathew let out a breath wiping at his eyes. The last page was dated the morning of Alfred death,

 

_"Headed out today, same old same I guess. The desert is beautiful though, if we stop I'll take a pic to send back to Feli, I'm sure he'd love to paint something like this."_

 

He snapped the little book closed pushing it way, that was Alfred. Always thinking about other people.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Not Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Ok so we are going to be easing into our pairings now. Aren't you excited? I really hope the passing for this is not to slow or to fast. Let me know if its ..not great, I am trying though. So here we are a little glimpse at GerIta!
> 
> Also I was inspired to do some art for this chapter so check that out. And yes it is by me, digitaly drawn in Gimp photopro on ye olden laptop xD. Be gentle with me.
> 
> As a side note I would love to get comments on this story, i have not gotten many and I'm wondering if maybe it's just not that interesting.

_"  Your heart is full of broken dreams just a faded memory, and everything's gone but the pain carries on. Lost in the rain again, when will it ever end, the arms of release seem so out of reach. But I...I  am here . I  am with you I will carry you through it all. I wont leave you I will catch you. When you feel like letting go, cause your not alone. " ( Red - Not alone)_

* * *

Ludwig stood in front of the motel mirror straighten his tie for the third time. "Are you sure you vill be alright here by yourself?" he asked over his shoulder.

 

Gilbert just grunted and pushed himself up on some pillows. "I'm not a kinder, go."  

 

Today was not one of his brother's better days. The doctors said the adjustment period was different for everyone when dealing with traumatic spinal cord injuries. Gilbert had balked at most of the rehabilitation; he didn't like how the nurses looked at him with all the pity in their eyes. The man learned how to get in and out of the chair with out help and beyond that, he wanted to be left to his own devices to build up his strength.

 

Ludwig often felt guilty that he had gotten away with such a minor injury in comparison, even if some people might think differently.

He could walk, he was alive, he just couldn't see out of one eye. When the doctors told him, he was lucky, it just hurt, and he would have given both of his eyes if it meant Alfred could have lived, if it meant his big brother would not be confined to a chair for the rest of his life.

 

"Lud?"  

 

Ludwig looked over from where he had zoned out in front of the mirror. "Ja?"

 

Gilbert looked concerned. "Let go of the counter"

 

He looked down to see his knuckles were white grabbing the faux marble surface hard enough to make it creak. Ludwig pulled his hands away taking a breath shaking out his hands a moment before turning around. "It's fine," he said simply.

 

"Come here bruder, und don't give me that it's fine crap." Gil said leveling his younger brother with a look that said he wasn't going to let him leave if he didn't do as he said.

 

The younger man's shoulders slumped slightly as he approached the bed, sitting on the edge unable to face his brother.

 

"You don't have to do this." Gil said softly, reaching out and holding onto his brother shoulder, using it to pull him self-up.  Once he was closer, he scooted over and adjusted the back strap of the black eye patch that now adorned his brother's face. Gently combing his pale fingers through the younger mans hair to mask the strap.

 

Ludwig seemed to relax, "I know I don't have to, I need to. There are things I need to say und if I don't ...I don't think I vill ever be able to move on."

 

Gilbert sighed; he understood what Lud was doing. Part of him wanted to as well, but then he just wasn't ready yet. He was not strong enough to face that and that fact alone just made him angry. He should be at his little brother's side for this. Yet here he was cowering in a musty motel room.  "Be careful alright." That was all he could say.

 

"Ja I will, do you want me to stop by and pick up anything on the way back?"  

 

"Pizza is fine, we should think about what we are going to do after this to you know." Gilbert said easing back onto the pillows behind him.  They had to go home eventually, even if it wasn't much to go back to.

* * *

 

 

Ludwig didn't expect to find someone at the grave site when he arrived, a bouquet of white roses in hand ready to say all the things he hadn't had a chance to, but there was.  He stood back a moment not wanting to disturb the young man who was seated in the grass. He didn't mean to eaves drop it just sort of happened.

* * *

 

"Vee...I really miss you Alfred, you know I smile still for you. You always said that I should, even when people made fun of me and called me stupid, you always defended me. Do you know how much that meant?"

Feliciano sighed, his shoulders sagging as he reached a hand out, his fingertips tracing the name etched on the white cross.

 

"I feel so alone. I wish I had told you, I wonder what you would have said. People used to talk all the time about you and Natalya back in school so I never said anything. But when I asked her she said it wasn't true, so I wondered if I missed my chance." The Italians voice quivered with tears, dropping his face, Feliciano's fingers weaved into the strands of grace at his sides as he bit back a sob.

 

"I. loved you, you know? I was never brave enough to tell you! I'm so sorry Alfred, you were always so brave for everyone and I. couldn't even tell you the truth." The auburnette seemed to deflate after his outburst, curling on his side on the grave mumbling to himself.  "Be my angel ok Alfred, I need you still because I'm not sure I can do this on my own, I need someone to protect me. Even if it's from myself."

 

 

Ludwig felt his heart clenching at the sight, when the young man let his head fall back and the sun showered his face.

 

Russet hair shinning and blowing softly in the wind, the silken tendrils skirting over naturally golden skin and those eyes like caramel coffee rimmed in red and glistening with tears. So beautiful and yet so heartbreaking.

 

(see artwork ^_^)

 

The pain breached and streaked over Feliciano's cheeks. He closed his eyes feeling the cool wind stink his damp skin. He was letting go, giving up.

The German couldn't stand it, Ludwig wasn't sure what made him step forward and clear his throat. He wanted to slap himself for interrupting such an intimate moment but somehow his feet thrust him forward. Like some unseen hands at his back shoving him head long into an intimate moment that he did not belong in.

 

"Excuse me... I didn't mean to interrupt...." he blurted out clutching the small bouquet of flowers a little too hard.

 

The little Italian jolted at the others deep imposing voice, quickly wiping his face on his sleeves and struggling to his feet. Painfully reminded how long he'd been there by the dark damp stains on the knees of his trousers.

 

"H-hello, mi dispaci, I didn't see you there Sir." Feliciano looked at the man approaching, he was tall and sturdy looking. Very intimidating actually, especially with that eye patch. Then he noticed the man's uniform, it was the dress uniform for the marines.  His heart stuttered a moment. "Are you  ...here for..." He passed he couldn't say it.

 

Ludwig simply nodded gesturing to the grave. "Al und I served together."

 

The young man squinted his eyes at him a moment before it cleared in recognition. It was almost unnerving how quickly the smaller man's mood could change so dramatically.

 

"Oh I know you!" Feli cheered digging around in his pockets until he pulled out a crinkled envelop, drawing from its contents a photograph. "This is you isn't it? Alfred sent it to me went I asked him for a photo of his new friends."

 

Sure enough as Ludwig leaned forward to inspect the little image he recognized himself, as well as Gilbert and Alfred. They were all sitting in a tent playing cards dressed down to their boots pants and undershirts.  

 

Feliciano regarded the man before him; his hands were so big. Well, everything about the guy really, he was huge. But the kind smile on his face as he looked at the photo made the fear melt from Feliciano. This man was one of Alfred's friend so he must be a good person, even if he looked a little scary.

 

"Ja, I remember that day." Ludwig smiled fondly before letting his eye lift to the young man holding the photograph. "Forgive me, I never was good with names, Al used to talk about quite a few of his friends back home, after this tour we were all going to come back here actually and meet everyone with him."

 

Feliciano smiled though it was a bit broken, "Si, I'm sorry that did not happen. I would have liked to meet you under better circumstances."

 

Ludwig nodded, side stepping the smaller male to place the roses in front of the grave site, "I agree, it seems that everyone he spoke so highly of is just as kind, I only wish that he was still here. Alfred was a very good friend to my brother und I. I would go as far as to say he became our brother."

 

Feli hummed in agreement, letting his hand fall to the side still holding the faded picture. "Alfred was like that, have you met his brother Matthew yet?"

 

"ja, und his father. My brother und I plan to stop by their family restaurant before we leave town and hopefully see his mother as well."

 

The subject of Alfred's mother brought a cringe to Feliciano's face. "Ah, Miss Alice  ...she, she isn't well right now. We all feel so bad for her, I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a child. I know what it is like to lose a parent though so, I really hope she gets better for Matteo's sake."

 

The gravity of the little auburnetts words sunk in, Ludwig recalled how both Mathew and his father had tip toed around the subject of Alice Bonnefoy.

 

"Ja, I lost both of my parents as well, which is why my brother und I were planning on coming back here with Al, we only had a cousin left in New York. Al talked about opening up an auto body shop here und asked Gilbert und I to come and work with him." Ludwig smiled at the dream, that's what it was now; just a dream. Without Alfred, with Gilberts condition, with the state of his own vision or lack-there-of on one side; the brother's futures looked grim.

 

Feliciano noticed the look on the other man's face, that bittersweet sorrow that hung on the tall blonde like a coat of iron. "Ah, how rude of me! "He piped up suddenly "I'm Feliciano Vargus by the way."

 

Ludwig took the offered hand, small and warm but not as soft as he thought. There where distinctive warm pads where a pencil rested often.  That's when the recollection hit him "Feliciano, you're the artist friend of Alfred's. He used to get me to take photos when I went out on night watch to send to you."

 

Feliciano smiled brightly, this one reaching his eyes. Ludwig felt a flutter in his stomach at the sight of genuine happiness. "Si! Those were always my favorite with the moonlight over the sand and the beautiful clouds. Say! If you're not busy would you like to come back with me to my studio, I can show you some of the paintings I have that were from some of Alfred photos. Also, I don't know if he talk you but I make some really great pasta."

 

Ludwig laughed, he found excitement Feliciano had to be so very charming, part of him said no... He needed to get back to Gilbert, but then another part of him urged  to accept. "Ja, I would really like that, let me just make a phone call und let my brother know I will be late."

 

Feliciano agreed, and said he would meet Ludwig in the parking lot so that he could follow him back. There was just something about the bubbly Italian that made Ludwig smile, he  had not had anything to smile about in so long. He really hoped his brother would understand.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
